Wednesday, February 19, 2014


Jeez, I absolutely hate how difficult it's been to sit down and write these past few months!  I miss the Bloggiverse.  I miss writing.  I miss reading.  I miss connecting.

But I just can't seem to find my give-a-fuck when it comes to sitting down and putting fingers to keyboard!

Shall we play a little game of Catch Up?

Let's see . . . in December, right after Christmas, I finally got around to putting new batteries in our bathroom scale. 

Then, I stood on the wretched thing.

Big.  Mistake.


But not as huge as the number that flashed up at me.


I took the new batteries out and replaced them with newer new ones, thinking that the number on that scale couldn't possibly be right.

Unfortunately . . . it was.

So, starting on the first Monday in January -- 1/6/2014 -- I started dieting and going to the gym.

I'm happy to report that I am now down 25 lb.

Now, I'm not going crazy with the diet thing.  I realize that I'm no longer of an age where I'm capable of doing some ridiculous fad diet thing for a few weeks, just to drop a couple dress sizes, and then return to my regular eating habits without putting the pounds back on.  Now that I'm older, I understand that what I need to do is create new, healthier eating habits, rather than simply "go on a diet".

So, that's what I'm doing.

I'm eating egg whites, rather than whole eggs.  I'm eating a ton of vegetables, including lots and lots of salads . . . though I'm being really careful when it comes to salad dressing.  (In fact, I've been making my own!)  I'm avoiding starches.  I'm steering clear of junk food.  I switched out my French Vanilla coffee creamer for unsweetened vanilla almond milk.  I'm keeping a food journal, and really watching my calorie intake.  I'm trying (and succeeding) not to deprive myself of the foods I love, but at the same time, I'm being smart about what goes into my mouth.

Get your heads out of the gutter, people!  I can hear your dirty thoughts, ya know!

I've been going to the gym 5 days a week, as circumstances allow.  (These damn snow days and delays are killing me!)  Every day, I do the elliptical for an hour -- I'm amazed by how quickly the hour flies by when I distract myself by watching something on Netflix as I'm elliptical-ing!  Every other day, I use the weight machines in an attempt to banish my uber-jiggly upper arms.  And every day, I join all the old ladies in the aqua aerobics class.  (The instructor is 68, sweet as can be, and has climbed Kilimanjaro.  She's amazing.)

So, I'm getting healthy.  And in the spirit of such, I decided, back in January, to finally get an appointment with my doctor to figure out what was growing out of my abdomen.

Let me explain . . .

Back in August, I noticed that I had this little bump on the left side of my abdomen.  It was right on a stretch mark, and I just assumed that it was some weird consequence of my being so obese.  I didn't give it much thought, really. 

But then, over the course of the following few months, that little bump grew like a weed, and developed a life of its own.  At the end, it was oblong, about 3-inches long, and sort of resembled a deformed nipple on crack.  It was subcutaneous as well . . . if I manhandled the thing, I could feel it under my skin, like a retarded lemon, half-in/half-out of my abdomen.


My doctor was stumped.  Then, he was positively giddy at the prospect of discovering what in the hell it actually was.  He was sure that it was benign, though, so I wasn't worried.  I just wanted it gone.

So I had my surgery yesterday . . . on my husband's birthday, of all days.  It was outpatient, and all together, I was at the same-day surgery center for about 3 hours.  They sent me home with a script for Vicodin, and in more pain than I've ever dealt with before -- and I've gone through natural childbirth 4 times.

I'm still smarting today.  But only when I move.  If I sit, I'm fine.  If I lie in bed, I'm fine.  But getting into either of those positions . . . ?  Or walking . . . ? 

Yeah.  That hurts a bit.



Obviously, there was no "Birthday Head" for my husband yesterday.  The man had to buy his own birthday cake, cook his own birthday dinner, and light his own birthday candles.  Maybe by this weekend I'll feel up to moving around, and we can go out for his birthday dinner . . . and I'll be able to make him the birthday poke-cake he likes so much.


"Birthday Head" will have to wait for next year, though.  There are no rain-checks for that particular prezzie.  ;-)

Ah . . . it's good to be back writing!  Oversharing, being potentially offensive, saying fuck a lot . . . I've missed this.  I need to not go away anymore.  It's hazardous to my sanity.


  1. I guess ya just have to have surgery to sit down! Ha. I hope you feel better and wow! on the lifestyle changes Kelly! That's awesome!

    1. Thanks! The surgery, at least, is keeping me from feeling guilty about all the sitting I'm currently doing . . . but I sit too much, regardless -- hence the need for those lifestyle changes! But I'm trying, and I'll be back to trying again (hopefully) next week. The only thing I truly gave up (for now) was alcohol. The Vicodin is filling in nicely for that, and making everything better. :-)

  2. Ha ha ha! Your posts crack me up!
    Congrats on the healthy lifestyle thing. Impressive!!! I hope you start to feel better, but I'm glad it wasn't something to "worry" about. Glad you're writing again!

    1. Thanks, Kimberly! I'm happy to be writing again, too. And the lifestyle changes were a necessary evil. (And I do mean evil . . . I miss my Ben & Jerry's!) But it will be so nice to eventually be able to purchase a real pair of jeans (not made from stretchy denim-ish material) from an actual store (rather than an online retailer specializing in plus-size clothes)! I'm looking forward to it. :-)

      I do wish they'd have let me keep my growth-thingy . . . ya know, in a jar or something? I wish I'd thought to take a pic of it, too. It was soooo weird looking!!

  3. Congrats on shifting the weight (I hate you), congrats on starting a new life style rather than a diet (I hate you), and congrats on taking your life by the balls and sorting out your lump... sounds nasty, when do you find out what it is? Have they given you a time frame?

    1. I love you, Abbe!! :-D

      I'm guessing that I won't find out what it was until I go back to the surgeon on March 6th . . . unless it turns out to be something other than benign. I'm going with "no news is good news".

    2. I shall cross my fingers and toes for good news. xxx


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